10 End of Season Thoughts

Out of nowhere, end of season is upon us. That bar you called home every night is closing, guest numbers in resort are radically dropping, more and more green across the mountain is appearing and your mum is sounding more excited every time you talk to her.

It’s a weird time. It’s made even weirder by the conflicting emotions and thoughts circling round in your brain….

1. Am I happy about this… or really sad? 

Of course, it will be nice to go home, see the family, catch up with friends, relax a little bit – but I guarantee when the band at apres decide to start playing R.E.M – It’s The End of The World, you will be holding back the tears wishing you could stay forever in this little bubble where car insurance, student loans and general adult responsibilities don’t affect you.

2. Will I keep the weight off?!?!?! 

Being a broke-ass veggie in the alps has meant some days its just been easier to go without dinner ….. and lunch…… and breakfast….. I’m not going to lie it’s had a fantastic effect on my shape, but now I’m thinking when I get home and there is halloumi and cadburys (not together) at my disposal, how will I control myself?

3. What if I don’t see these people again…..

Being in a resort for 5 months and socialising, working and living with the same people forms quite a bond. We are a tight-knit, large, dysfunctional and somewhat incestuous family; How can I possibly go from seeing these people everyday to potentially never again in my life? Every day towards the end of the season is a constant battle of pushing back the thoughts of ‘this is it, this is really the end.’

4. Where did that time actually go though? 

Seriously, am I going absolutely mental or did I just miss the entirety of February and March? I felt like I was just beginning to settle in and get comfortable and now your ripping the bloody rug right from under me?!

5. I hate cleaning even more than I did before

Working for a tour op has given me many opportunities, I’ve lived abroad for five months, I’ve fallen in love, and I’ve also scrubbed a shower tray with a toothbrush, oh and picked out some lovely clumps of hair and dead skin from obscure places with a toothpick. I have put in enough elbow grease to envy Elvis’ hair and it’s safe to say I don’t think my hands will ever be the same. Shut down week, you won’t be missed.

6. What will I actually do when I get home?

Sure, it’s going to be fantastic for five minutes and then the tidal wave of the biggest comedown of my life so far will hit me. If I’m already struggling to hold back the tears now, I am sure as hell going to be taking orders in-between sobs at the restaurant when I get back.

7. Shit… this is really happening

Everything that has been my life for the past 5 months is now over – brutally over just like that, we get on a bus, or we get on a plane, and we just return to normal life as if none of this ever happened. It’s heartbreaking and I was not prepared for this.

like, at all. 

8. But…. I didn’t do enough snowboarding! 

Okay, so I may have gotten a bit lazy towards the end of the season… or middle…. and neglected the sport that brought me out here in the first place. I had countless opportunity to snowboard but now that I no longer have that luxury, I find myself suddenly pining for one last trip out.

9. How the f*&k am I going to make this relationship work…. 

If you did meet someone on your season or, like me, were silly enough to fall head over heels, I guarantee they live the other side of the country to you. Technically, my boyfriend doesn’t even live in the same country…. I’m in North Wales and he is in Bury St Edmunds. Fan-bloody-tastic. If the end of the season isn’t already depressing enough, throw in saying goodbye to the best friend/soulmate and I promise it’s a barrel of laughs.

10. This was the best decision I have ever made

Despite the fact I wanted to quit, despite the fact I’m devastated it’s over – If i could do it all over again 10 times, I would. It has been hilarious, I have learned many important lessons, I’ve found someone who can make me laugh on demand and fell in love with me when I was the most tired and pale (and generally unattractive) I have ever been in my life; and I have met people who have changed me forever. Ultimately, I have grown in more ways than I thought possible in 5 months. Despite me writing this with tears ready to fly from my eye sockets, I am so incredibly happy and grateful.

Just over 5 months ago, I came out here as not only a reward to myself for finishing uni, and to start my mission of seeing the world, but to escape a life full of lies and deceit, with someone who I was prepared to lose everything for. This has taught me an important lesson – we should always put ourselves first in the big decisions we make. If I had made the terrible mistake of staying, god only knows how miserable I’d be now. I came out here 5 months ago an absolute mess, and I’m going home a whole person with a clear mind. Tignes will always have an important place in my heart, and so will those I met out here.

Now for the next adventure….

The 10 Hardest Decisions You Will Have To Make On a Ski Season

 

what spot to sunbathe in is always up for debate.

 

Life is somewhat different in the mountains, priorities shift and you find yourself doing things you would completely NOT do at home, like going three weeks without showering. (Joke) Therefore, you meet a daily challenge of sleeping or showering, buying food or alcohol, hitting the slopes or hitting the pillow, punching a guest in the face or calmly walking away…….

To apres, or to napres?

At the beginning of the season, I was told ‘you will never catch up on your sleep for the next 5 months’. I thought she was joking. Turns out she really wasn’t. Sleep becomes the elusive magnificent thing that very rarely happens, so on day off, when everyone is heading to the bar, you are faced with the ultimate Hamlet-esque metaphysical dilemma of ‘to apres, or to napres?’ Do I choose sleep over socialising? Do I drag my unshowered, zombie-brain body out into the daylight? The mind boggles.

 

Actual footage of a seasonnaire after transfer day.

 

Do I use my last €10 on food or alcohol?

Picture this, you’re starving hungry, it’s a white-out blizzard outside, you’re not getting paid for another 2 weeks and you have ten euros to last you. You venture out to Sherpa, wearing enough layers to rival an onion, the bitter cold biting your cheeks and the harsh northerly wind nearly sweeping you off your feet. You enter the shop, breathless, disorientated and now a little bit sweaty. You could buy some dry pasta and a big jar of sauce and be left with change, or you could buy 18 kronenbourgs and be done with it- we all know where that money went.

To pay out in the medical centre or to potentially die

Knocked yourself out recently? Losing a bit of blood here and there? Just go home and sleep it off, nobody has the time or the money to be sat around in the medical centre. Slap a plaster on it and carry on or face a medical bill that you know you can’t really afford. After two stints in the medical centre raising a grand total of €160, it’s safe to say I’d rather lose a limb than pay anymore money just to be told I’m ‘bon’.

To wash the hair or to do just about anything else

It’s a big job. Also because I do not have the funds to get a haircut out here, my hair has grown a substantial amount making it an even BIGGER task. I also failed to realise when packing that 5 months away from home might involve me needing to use a hairdryer at some point. So finding the time to not just wash my hair but also leave it to dry in a towel doesn’t come around very often. (Dry shampoo = best invention known to man.)

 

not showered? work the wet hair look.

 

Do the conditions look right for me today?

The first time I went on a ski holiday, and admittedly for the first couple of weeks of the season, I was bowled over by the mountains and wanted to snowboard every second of the day, regardless of the conditions. Now if there is a cloud covering the sun at any point I’ve decided it’s just not worth it. I’ll take a look out of my window, and ponder whether I should spend the day snowboarding, or spend the day doing what I do best, absolutely fuck all.

 

‘I think I’ll pass today, looks pretty cloudy.’

 

Is this person attractive… or am I wearing season goggles?

Apparently, season goggles are a thing. Like beer goggles but mountainified. Does that person you keep sleeping with really look like Zac Efron or will he look like Shrek when you return to sea level? People are limited in the mountains, but our inhibitions certainly aren’t. Even worse – are YOU the person who is being seen through season goggles? What’s to guarantee that they won’t wake up on the 30th April goggle-less and send you packing…..

Do I wear outfit number one… or number one with a different hat?

I can personally guarantee you that you will wear every outfit you brought with you about 15 times over. You might start to fret that people will spot it, but don’t worry we’re all in the same boat, everyone looks like shit and only has about 1 and a half pairs of socks left.

To contact the outside world, or to remain safe….

I haven’t read the UK news all season, I haven’t heard about what the bitch from high school is up to, I haven’t had to deal with any petty dramas that only arise at home… therefore there is always a risk when you facetime your family/friends that the usual BS  might reach you in the Alps.

Walk of shame or early morning adventure

So a lot of staff accom is based inside actual guest chalets, which makes for a lovely cosy living space but a hella difficult stealthy getaway in the morning. Picture yourself climbing through boot room windows, breaking Usain Bolt’s 100m sprint record, traversing down banks and wading through knee-deep snow just to avoid the awkward run in with Peter and Sally from Kent at 7:30am.

*This issue can however be resolved by becoming ‘the girlfriend’ and being introduced.

Should I stay or should I go?

We all have our crap times, and some more than others. You might find yourself at 12am crying into your cling-filmed leftovers because guests are being wankers, because you miss your dog, or for absolutely no apparent reason whatsoever, but stick it out, because when the sun comes out and you adopt the end-of-season IDGAF attitude, it will all feel worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chalet Girl & False Advertising

So, out here, a joke amongst us actual seasonnaires is the false advertising that is chalet girl. It’s time someone took it upon themselves to set the record straight here – and that person is going to be me.

All of the following is somewhat misleading (absolute bullshit)

First things first, I feel that the most ludicrous scene in the entire film is where Kim’s wonderful guests take her with them in the helicopter to the top of the slopes for champagne and canapes. Kim, dream on love. These people do not exist – in reality she would not be allowed within 100 feet of a guests’ bloody helicopter unless it was to run up with Petronella’s fur headband that she had devastatingly left behind. Some of my hosts have only just about managed to get a tip from guests, let alone a helicopter ride.

Also is the mere fact that she got the job based on no experience and no cookery course – sadly, it’s just a tad more competitive than that in reality. (For example some of the hosts out here have paid more than £1,000 in advance to the season just for a cooking course.)

Secondly, I seem to recall the girls in the film having something ridiculous like a three week period where the guests aren’t in the chalet – this does not happen in reality. Trust me – if there was a property vacant, you would be moved elsewhere to continue the graft, not laying around in a luxury chalet throwing parties every night.

On that note – if you even DARED to SPEAK the word party in a chalet, let alone get naked in the hot tub, you. would. be. fired. (Here I come Chalet Gatwick) Plus, you spend so much time in the chalets tidying up and dealing with complaints anyway that you don’t want to spend any longer in them than absolutely necessary.

Also, don’t expect to become an Olympian out here. If you find the time and energy amongst all of the work to train and ride hard enough to win a slopestyle competition then please do come and find me and I will personally present you with a flying pig.

 

Okay, that’s the lies out of the way, now we can turn to what actually happens out here.

For the first month, at least, you will be making amazing new friends, getting free stuff thrown at you, and, admittedly, not having a fucking clue what you’re actually doing in your job, but, we are all in the same boat. (Smile and wave, smile and wave)

You will also get some creepy guests. For some reason, when on holiday, people lose all social filter and treat you as if you are literally an added extra for their own personal enjoyment. Whilst I’m not recommending you pour boiling hot tea over their crotch, it is something you will have to deal with at some point during a season so it’s probably best you get practising your ‘get the fuck away from me’ polite laugh.

Surprisingly, you will also meet some dainty females in tight black outfits and fur who actually have the physical ability of a rugby forward (lesson learned in the queue to the chairlift). These females do in fact have a tendency to be called something-ella and should be treated with more caution on the slopes than Olympic downhillers.

 

Finally, the big one, the romance. You will, more than likely, fall for someone out here. Combine breath taking scenery with new, attractive and interesting people and you have got yourself the perfect rom-com. But seriously, I was told before I came out here by someone who had previously completed a ski season about this mysterious thing called ‘mountain love’ and I brushed it off, but it is real. I can’t promise you all that you will find your very own Ed Westwick but I can tell you that there are likeminded people in the mountains, one of which you might just find yourself falling for.

The important thing to remember out here, during the highs and lows, during the loving and the hating is the fact that having a shit time out here beats having a shit time at home.