Okay, so I’ve felt this post has been coming for a long time, I’ve felt completely un-inspired, life keeps throwing some challenging obstacles into my path, I’ve been changing my mind every 2 minutes and quite frankly, I’ve had enough of everything.
To the outsider, it might look as if I really have my shit together and my life is pretty sweet. I have a law degree, a sweet-ass van and a rough plan to travel the world. Well, if that’s the case, you’ve been fooled my friend. At university, about £9,000 and a student finance contract later, I realised law was completely the wrong choice for me. I was stuck in a hole, but I saw the degree through. I’ve been somewhat stuck in that hole ever since. Instead of setting me up for life, like so many people tell you it does, all university did was confuse the hell out of me and leave me well and truly SKINT. I said to myself, at the end of university, my life will start, I’ll be able to travel the world, I’ll get the job of my dreams and all will be well in the world of Holly Price.
All is not well.
Well, that is slightly over dramatic, I have my van on the road (albeit making a worrying noise which I suspect is the clutch thrust bearing) I have a boyfriend that loves me (even if he is 200 miles away) I have my parents (who have absolutely funded my life for the last year) and I have a job that means I actually write for a living.
But…. it’s not enough for me. I want heat, sunshine and the sea 365 days a year, I want to make a difference in the world somehow, I want to spend a year (or more) discovering the most wild, crazy places on the planet, and most of all, I want it all now. But, I’m succumbing to the rat race because of my financial situation, and because it’s realistically what I have to do right now, in order to do the rad shit I have planned for later. Truth be told, I really don’t know what to do next. And I think that’s perfectly okay, mainly for the following reasons:
1. Life is Backwards
Who the HELL is lucky enough to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives at 17? You might not even find your true passion until you turn 40 for christ sake! There is so much pressure on people to find something and stick to it, to ‘fit’ into box and be stacked nicely on the shelf of society from such a young age. So many older people have regrets and ‘if only’s’ and second thoughts about how they have spent their lives, because they were scared or limited or told what they should have done. Instead, I think young people should be encouraged to mess around for as long as possible, until something comes along that they are 1234873648723461% sure about.
2. Does Anybody Really Even Have it Together?
You might think people do, they might have an impressive job and a nice car or even just a really cool insta – but I GUARANTEE something is eating at them, there may be something missing in their life, they could be fighting a battle, or they could have an illness nobody even knows about. I strongly believe even the most content, organised of people have their down days, days when they struggle to plaster on the smile and keep the composure.
Speaking of insta, and speaking from personal experience, I think it is SO important to keep instagram and reality in two very separate boxes. We only put the good things on social media (unless someone is looking for Facebook sympathy) and we advertise our lives as if it’s some sort of weird ‘I’m cooler, I’m more attractive, I’m having a better time’ competition, and none of it is even real life, yeah sure, I’m guilty of insta spamming and stalking, but sometimes it’s essential to press the pause button and not get caught up in that very dangerous, complicated and edited-to-perfection cyber world.
3. You Never Know if You Don’t Go
In the wise words of Smash Mouth, you never know if you don’t go. I could have easily chickened out of my ski season, I could have not took the risk of spending all of my savings on a van, I could just be living a very comfortable, sensible life here. But where’s the fun in that? People who don’t take risks are BORING and I would take a confident guess that most of them have regrets. Experiences make you wiser, not weaker. So what if the job doesn’t work out? At least you had the balls to try it. Nobody is going to sit on their death bed and say, ‘Do you know what, I am so glad I didn’t kiss that girl at 25 years old, I’m so glad that I ignored my best friend when they said they had a business idea, I am so glad I didn’t write that novel, I’m so glad I didn’t catch that flight.’
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”
Hunter S. Thompson
4. Happiness is Essential
So i’m not saying the meaning of life is to give everything up and travel the world – travelling and transience is just what makes ME happy, personally. I understand that some people are creatures of comfort, they like one place, stability and security. Honestly, that’s great, if my crazy brain could settle for that I’d love it too, it really is whatever floats your boat, I dig seeing people happy, ecstatic to live and be alive. The thrill of seeing someone discover their passion, their purpose, is what gives me my kicks, (that and dogs, writing, sunrises, sunsets, the ocean, my van, travelling….)
5. We’re All Going To Die
It’s sad, but it’s true. No one unlocks a bonus level when they earn a six-figure salary, no one is granted immortality when they have everything in line, all we can hope for in this life is happiness and love, and we can only get those by doing whatever the hell we want to do. One day I’ll be content, well-travelled, and spending my time writing and exploring somewhere hot. If there is anything after this life, memories are all we can really take with us. When my time is up, I want to look across at the love of my life, smile, and be grateful I did all of that crazy shit when I could.