Please note: This is not some spooky tale about gypsies or anything of the like, it is in fact, more of a public apology to those who deal with my aggressive wanderlust on a day-to-day basis (Yes beb, you) And it is also, a personal note to myself of what I have accomplished purely to fluff my ego. (More like to pacify myself, like a physical straight-jacket to prevent me booking flights that I can’t actually afford.)
You might be wondering where the hell I’ve been since May, and what the hell I’ve been doing. Truth be told, I don’t really know. The end of my ski season to now has been a blur of crying, working long shifts, working on my van, making life more difficult for myself by bashing the side of my car after a 12 hour shift, more crying and frequent 4 hour car journeys just to get a decent hug from my number one.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m lucky. By lucky I mean I have my complete health (except maybe being slightly deaf and practically blind in one eye) I have a stable family that love me (most of the time) and I would say that every now and then a fantastic opportunity does pick my door to knock on.
My real problem, is my complete and total incapability to wait. Everything I do, I do it fast. I write fast, I talk fast, I drive fast, I walk fast, I read fast and I try my best to think fast. Therefore, when things in my life are moving less than 100mph, I drive everyone I love and myself absolutely crazy. I ache for adventure, I long to see something new, the same old sights are enough to send me insane. I have had the absolute gift in the last three years to see so many places, and even throughout my childhood my parents would take me on adventures across France, and all over the UK. Since coming back from my ski season, I have felt an abrupt stop to all of this.
Working on my van has literally been blood, sweat, tears and a shit tonne of expletives. Things have gone wrong lately more than right; I’ve waved goodbye to money I know I could have spent on adventures when instead have had to spent it on things like hinges, cold water taps and trips up and down the M6 to see my better half. My problem is, I can’t see the bigger picture. My van is going to enable me to see all of Europe – but because I can’t go RIGHT NOW I’m having a bitch fit and throwing my toys out of the pram.
And that’s what I call the travellers curse – once you’ve tasted the freedom of constantly being on the move and planning the next adventure, slowing down is hard to take. I appreciate that this is a ridiculous ‘problem’ to have, (poor girl’s having a barmy because she’s not constantly travelling, bless her heart) but in this generation, when every man and his bloody dog are out there travelling the world and posting candid sunset pictures on instagram, it’s hard for the more restless of us to sit still. There are so many obscure places I want to see on this planet, I just want to get there before everyone else does.
In times like these – I try to remind myself to try and see the bigger picture for a change, just because I’m not playing with Orangutan babies at a sanctuary in Borneo right now doesn’t mean I never will, once it was my goal to graduate, now I’ve done it. Once it was my goal to complete a ski season, now I’ve done it. Once it was a dream to see Thailand, I’ve done it. Once it was a plan to go to Paris with one of my gal pals…. if you didn’t already see the pattern emerging…..I’ve done it. So even though my life right now feels a bit boring and slow, that’s probably because it’s getting me ready for take off again.
‘You want to live a champagne lifestyle on lemonade wages.’
– Dad, keeping me practical, annoyed and grounded since 1996.